If I were Barbra Streisand

Yesterday, I was watching a segment of James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke. In this particular episode, he was riding with Barbra Streisand who just so happens to be one of my childhod idols. James was clearly in awe of Ms. Streisand and asked her if she ever knew that she was THE Barbra Streisand? She sheepishly said, “no, I don’t think of myself that way”,  but I do have a funny story about calling Tim Cook , the CEO of Apple to have Siri pronounce my name correctly. She told James that she was really irritated by it. So she called Tim Cook and voila! fixed. James just laughed and laughed and basked in the glory of her fabulousness.

The show ended and I was thinking about poor Barbra. Her whole life people have been mispronouncing her name. She’s been begging for years for proper pronounciation and it fell on deaf ears. The world didn’t care even though they bought a hell of a lot of records. But oh the pain she must have suffered. Her name is pronounced “Strei-sand,” not “Strize-and, bitches. Thank God, Tim Cook took mercy on her.

All that hardship got me thinking. Maybe she could use her power for more good deeds. Hey Barbra, do you think you could call Jeff Bezos and tell him that instead of trying to spend his 130 billion dollars on designer underwear and organic fruit he could give his 566,000 Amazon employees a $10 an hour raise? That would only cost him $1.8 billion a year which would leave him a sizable $129 billion to play with and put his workers in the “decent living” wage range.

One more thing Barbra, could you call Donny Trump and tell him that 1.4 million Transgender people would love to be left alone? We are not deviants, or molesters, or crazy people , or abnormal. Maybe he could just focus his attention on other things, say fixing poverty, or lowering taxes, or making health care affordable.

Sorry to bother you again Babs, but maybe, just maybe you could sway Donny Trump with a sassy chorus from “Enough is Enough” to could call Jeff Bezos, who then could call Tim Cook to get some code geek to erase all the fake news, hate, and bullshit on the internet. Wouldn’t that be swell Barb? Not only would Siri say “Strie-sand” the way you like it, but could also say “I can’t help you right now” when you type in “what is discrimination?” It’s been irritating me for a long god damn time now.

Oh by the way Barb- you’re still my idol Lady Gaga has nothing on you. Bam!